


Rain Hell

by bulsajo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Barebacking, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Obsession, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulsajo/pseuds/bulsajo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jongin ends their relationship, Chanyeol develops an unhealthy obsession with his ex-boyfriend, breaking his boundaries, pushing him too far, blinded by what he thinks is "unconditional love".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not promote this kind of behaviour. All of this is fictional and has nothing to do with my own views, values or character. The characters mentioned in this story do not depict what I identify with or what I would wish to be. I was inspired by a song and irked to write something based on it, nothing more, nothing less.  
> Read at your own risk & please be safe!

Jongin could’ve never known the consequences their break-up would have.  
  
Chanyeol was looking at Jongins profile again.  
Scrolling it up and down, reading all the messages he himself had carefully left there every day, written with love, worded differently and lovingly each time ever since Jongin was gone for good.  
He would always be there. He would always love Jongin. He would never stop.  
Chanyeol refreshed the page before starting his next entry, a ritual to make sure he did not miss any replies or changes made to the profile. There could be no replies from Jongin. He was dead. Chanyeol knew that.  
But he was still hoping that, maybe, he could reach to Jongin through his messages. Maybe Jongin could find a way to communicate with him from the afterlife, or wherever he was right now. He hoped his unconditional love for Jongin, even after his death, could bring them both together one last time.  
The site refreshed.  
All of Chanyeols entries were gone.  
He stopped breathing for a second, before he hit F5 again and again, making sure that he was not going completely crazy.  
  
Nothing.  
  
A great nothingness greeted him.  
Everything was gone, deleted. There was only the name and the profile picture remaining. His head was a cluster of thoughts. He couldn’t think straight, he didn’t know what to do. Nobody knew how to access Jongins account – otherwise it would have been deleted a long while ago.  
  
Then a chat window opened on the site.  
It was Jongin.  
  
*  
  
Chanyeol and Jongin were just like any other couple. Both normal, attending college, living together and loving each other.  
But as it happens with couples, eventually the love runs out. With some it doesn't even happen, sometimes it's for both, sometimes it's only for one of them. In this case it was the latter.  
Jongin simply didn't have more than platonic feelings for Chanyeol and Chanyeol said he'd accept that, despite still having feelings for Jongin.  
Jongin didn’t think too much of it, thought it would fade, or that he would even be able to fall in love with Chanyeol again at some point.  
He’d told Chanyeol all that.  
‘Who knows, maybe we’ll end up together again.’ And the likes.  
  
Chanyeol had smiled and laughed a little, even, and told Jongin not to be stupid.  
He didn’t seem too upset about the whole situation; he was, as always, understanding and kind.  
  
  
But Chanyeol didn’t show what was really going on inside of his head in front of Jongin.  
He never mentioned to his ex-boyfriend how broken he was, now that the love of his life broke up with him – out of the blue, having fallen out of love.  
He was devastated.  
He could not deal with it. At all.  
For Jongin he put on the same old spiel, all smiles and kindness, big laughs.  
At home he cried and hurt deeply, sobbing so loud at times that the neighbors would knock on his door and complain.  
Jongin couldn’t know how poorly Chanyeol took the break-up. Chanyeol had to pretend to be alright, the same as ever, had to be an even better version of himself to impress Jongin, to win him back.  
After all, Jongin did say they might end up together again, right?  
Chanyeol would just do his best to make Jongin fall for him again and he would be healed again, he wouldn’t hurt anymore.  
Because Chanyeol and Jongin belonged together, he thought. They were meant to be.  
  
*

At first it was easy. Playing the happy, normal guy in front of Jongin.  
But soon Jongin would have less and less time for Chanyeol and they also did not live together anymore – they barely saw each other and Chanyeol felt deprived.  
He couldn’t see Jongin often enough anymore. He needed to see Jongin, he needed to know what the person he loved so much was up to.  
  
He needed to be a part of Jongins life.  
  
Chanyeol started keeping tabs on Jongins SNS pages, went from checking them weekly to checking them every day to refreshing the pages every hour.  
It was a good substitute for a while, since Jongin posted quite frequently. And Chanyeol felt himself connect with Jongin again, even though the other couldn’t possibly know that Chanyeol checked his social media sites all so often.  
  
It was somehow exciting to get to know what Jongin was up to through these little sites he seemed to like so much.  
But even that would not be enough for Chanyeol. A substitute would never be greater than the original. He wanted to see Jongin, see him smile, laugh. Hear his voice.  
Often.  
Like he used to when they still lived together. When they were still so in love. When they felt like they had become one person and nobody could ever get between them or tear them apart.  
Chanyeol felt sad. Frustrated. He was always at home, sulking and checking up on what Jongin was doing while the other was going out all the time, probably already forgetting about him.  
He needed to make sure he would not be forgotten. He needed to remind Jongin that they belonged together.  
  
Chanyeol began taking notes of all the places Jongin liked to visit with his friends, or alone.  
There was a bar in the middle of town he liked to go to with his friends on the weekends. During the week he liked going to the library, mostly visiting a coffee shop beforehand and buying a beverage to sip on while he was at the library. Sometimes he just took simple strolls through his neighbourhood.  
Chanyeol gathered all this information from Jongins SNS; it was so easy. Almost too easy.  
Did Jongin know Chanyeol was looking after him like this? Did he leave trails for him to follow, to get him back?  
Chanyeol thought it would be nice to randomly bump into Jongin – random in the sense that Chanyeol would wait for Jongin to show up and act surprised when he planned this all along.  
  
So he started waiting for Jongin at the places he tended to visit ever so often.  
 

*

Their first ‘random’ meeting was nice, lovely, even.  
Jongin smiled brightly, telling Chanyeol that it is so nice to see him, it had been such a long time. And Chanyeol reciprocated the big smile, hugging Jongin and holding him close for a while, inhaling his sweet, sweet scent.  
It felt so good to see him. To hear his voice and know he was happy because he saw Chanyeol. Chanyeol made him happy.  
  
The second time was nice, too.  
Jongin was a little surprised, but still seemed happy. He was with his friends and asked Chanyeol to sit with them. They had a good time and Chanyeol couldn’t take his eyes off of Jongin – he was and always has been so beautiful it was surreal.  
Chanyeol went home with a fluttering heart.  
  
The third time around, Jongin seemed confused.  
He remarked that it was kind of weird running into Chanyeol so often lately, but didn’t seem to really mind it. They still spent a nice day at the library after Chanyeol bought coffee for both of them. It was almost like the old times and it felt so, so good. Satisfying.  
  
Chanyeol had to be careful, though. Jongin had gotten suspicious and he couldn’t risk getting caught or scaring Jongin away. If he was too obvious with following the other around, he might get freaked out. And if Chanyeol wanted them to get together again, that couldn’t happen.  
  
So he waited. Didn’t go out to look for Jongin, only checked his SNS as frequently as ever. Not much happened, though, but Chanyeol needed to know what Jongin was up to, even if it was nothing big or special.  
  
A few weeks later, they had their fourth ‘random’ encounter.  
Jongin didn’t seem to be suspicious, instead he was happy and hugged Chanyeol tight. Chanyeol held him, like he used to when they were still dating. He ached a little thinking about it, his heart hurt knowing Jongin did not belong to him anymore.  
But suddenly a soft “I missed you” was whispered against his chest and Jongin wouldn’t let go of Chanyeol for a long, long while. They just stood there, in the middle of an abandoned street, hugging in silence.  
Chanyeol ran his fingers through Jongins soft, brunette hair.  
It hurt being close like this and knowing that every touch, every action, every word could be fatal. Could scare Jongin away again.  
“I miss you every day”, Chanyeol simply replied.  
Jongin looked up at Chanyeol, looking lost. Before Chanyeol could open his mouth to say anything, Jongin had leaned forward to press his lips against Chanyeols. Harshly.  
There was so much want behind this kiss that Chanyeol could barely take it; this was surreal but he was so, so happy about this outcome.  
However, he did not want to force himself onto Jongin. If Chanyeol did that, the chance of losing Jongin, of scaring him away forever was too big.  
They kissed deeply and Chanyeol was just as passionate as Jongin, until the other pulled back, breathless, and took Chanyeol by the hand, dragging him to his nearby home without any words.  
Jongin fumbled with his keys, opening the door with hands that were a little shaky.  
Chanyeol’s heart was beating so, so fast with anticipation and he knew all too well what was going to happen. But he still did not push his ex-boyfriend, he remained rather passive and let Jongin dominate the situation.  
  
They ended up on Jongins bed, clothes quickly discarded all over the tiny apartment as they made their way through, kissing again.  
Jongin had pulled Chanyeol on top of him, his arms looped around Chanyeols neck, holding him close, not letting him go.  
This time Chanyeol pulled back from the kiss, but only to crawl between Jongins legs, kissing his way all the way down, until he arrived at his thighs.  
After leaving a few hickeys on Jongins beautiful thighs, Chanyeol slowly took the head of Jongins half-hard erection in his mouth, sucking lightly.  
A groan of approval encouraged Chanyeol to keep going, to take the full length into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down until Jongin gripped Chanyeols hair tight, his moans coming more and more frequently – but then he heard Jongin say “Please, just fuck me already”.  
Chanyeol almost choked.  
He pulled back, spit and precum spilling down his lips and chin, looking at Jongin through hooded eyes.  
The other was trembling, his legs twitching a little and he was holding lube out to Chanyeol. Chanyeol hesitated at first, reluctantly taking the small bottle in his own hands.  
“Are you sure you want this?”, he asked. Just to make sure. He didn’t want Jongin to regret this.  
“Yes. Please, Chanyeol.”  
With that Chanyeol started fingering Jongin, until he could barely take it anymore and whined for Chanyeol to just fuck him already, that he’d be fine.  
Chanyeol did as he was told; he buried himself deep into Jongin, leaning forward, so he could kiss the other again. And occasionally leave marks on his neck. Or whisper in his ear how beautiful he looked like this.  
  
It was nice.  
Being like this, acting like they were still dating. Or dating again.  
Maybe this could be the beginning of their new relationship? Maybe they could start over, maybe Jongin had fallen for him again.  
It meant a lot to Chanyeol and he really hoped this wasn’t just a thoughtless fuck. He wished they could just go back to being like they used to. They belonged together, afterall.  
  
When Jongin came, Chanyeols name on his beautifully swollen lips, the other soon followed. Chanyeol spilled inside Jongin; they hadn’t used protection and neither really seemed to mind. It gave Chanyeol some sort of satisfaction; like Jongin trusted him more than anything.  
  
After laying in each other’s arms for a while, sweaty, sticky and messy, Chanyeol got up with the intention to clean up. But a sudden pull on his arm made him turn around to look at Jongin, who looked beautiful with his disheveled hair, decked in the white sheets, looking exhausted.  
“Please stay the night”, he whispered and Chanyeol was taken aback for a few seconds.  
He didn’t think Jongin would assume Chanyeol would leave like that but it was nice that he wanted him to stay. A good sign.  
  
After taking care of both of them, as well as the dirtied sheets, they fell asleep together, arm in arm.  
Chanyeol awoke the next morning to a needy Jongin who wanted ‘another round’ and he couldn’t possibly say no to that.  
  
  
*  
  
The euphoric feeling Chanyeol had after leaving Jongins place wouldn’t last all that long.  
He spent the first few hours at home thinking about how much he loved Jongin and how beautiful the other looked, how he was so happy about the sudden turn of events – it could only mean Jongin wanted him back, right? If that didn’t mean anything to him then he wouldn’t have asked Chanyeol to stay, much less to go for it again in the morning.  
  
But the reality wasn’t all that rosy and nice.  
He got a message from Jongin, saying he wanted to talk.  
Chanyeol happily replied, he got his hopes up high since this was probably all about their grand reunion as a couple. About how it was a mistake to break up in the first place.  
It wasn’t.  
The conversation was more about Jongin apologizing for how he acted and that he didn’t mean it, that he was unsure about a lot of things and he didn’t mean to hurt Chanyeol by seducing him and making him stay at his place.  
  
Chanyeol wasn’t good enough.  
He wasn’t good enough to change Jongins mind and he had tried so, so hard to be the best he could be. He knew Jongin so well, he knew what the other liked so much and he’d put so much effort into treating Jongin the way he would’ve loved to be treated last night and in the morning.  
There had to be another reason.  
There had to be someone else – a reason why Jongin would regret sleeping with Chanyeol.  
It was all so confusing to him. Jongin practically melted into his arms, they had been so, so familiar with each other and Jongin wanted him to stay that night.  
The other hadn’t been drunk either, as far as Chanyeol could tell.  
  
It was a quick but fatal blow to Chanyeols heart. And he sulked.  
For days he wouldn’t leave his room, he barely ate, barely kept himself alive. He didn’t even shower for a while, he simply felt like he didn’t serve a purpose.  
If Jongin didn’t love him, then what was the point to his existence? What was the point of getting up in the morning, being productive and taking care of himself when the person he loved the most didn’t feel the same?  
  
It took him a while but eventually Chanyeol got out of his bed. Sat down on his Computer and returned to his old habit; looking at Jongins SNS pages. Checking up on him. Making sure he’s fine.  
Apparently he missed a lot of stuff, because Jongin seemed to have been quite active on his accounts ever since the incident.  
It was mostly pictures of him with his friends or him talking about having a great night once again and Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel extremely jealous.  
Wasn’t the night they had spent together been great, too? But he probably wouldn’t talk about Chanyeol on his social media.  
Except he did, briefly. Jongin talked about having made a huge mistake, the post finished with a quirky emoji, as if it was a joke, something funny.  
The next post, ‘How am I gonna tell K? I hope he’ll understand’.  
This ‘K’ guy was most certainly not Chanyeol. And judging from the pictures Jongin uploaded it seemed like he got close with someone Chanyeol didn’t know. That must be his new guy – his reason for not wanting Chanyeol back.  
How long had he known that guy?  
How long had this been going on?  
Chanyeol needed to know. So he got up, showered, took care of himself and planned the next random meeting with Jongin. His schedule seemed to have changed, so Chanyeol just tried his luck with the new locations he seemed to frequent.  
  
After a attempts he ran into Jongin and that ‘K’ person who turned out to be a short guy their age called Kyungsoo.  
Chanyeol tried his best to come off as normal as possible, to not show how infuriated he actually felt. Especially after he noticed a hickey on Jongins neck that certainly wasn’t from the last time they saw each other.  
He played the nice, charismatic guy, as always, and he actually got along well with Kyungsoo. They could’ve been great friends if it weren’t for the fact that Kyungsoo was taking Jongin away from him. That he was the reason Jongin felt guilty about their night together.  
Chanyeol needed to find a way to bring them apart.  
  
  
*  
  
A few weeks later, Chanyeol had made his way into Kyungsoos apartment.  
  
It took him a while to track its location down without getting caught and to figure out which door led to Kyungsoos apartment, but once he’d gathered the information he just needed to know how to break in without being suspicious or leaving trails.  
The internet always provided good information, he found.  
Whenever he had questions about how to do certain things, be it tracking down someone’s apartment number or breaking in and the likes, which he couldn’t ask anyone, since it would raise suspicions quite quickly, the internet was his new best friend.  
The anonymity gave him power. He could ask whatever he wanted to know if he did not find any information on a topic he tried to look up and nobody would ever know it was him. It was too easy sometimes, he thought. Jongin made it so easy for him.  
The first time he broke in somewhere was Jongins apartment after making sure Jongin was busy for the night. He looked around, took a few of the dirty shirts with him that had been scattered on the floor and eventually even found a second key to Jongins apartment. He got a copy made and returned the second key so Jongin wouldn’t become suspicious if he needed his second key and wouldn’t be able to find it.  
  
So now he was in Kyungsoos apartment.  
He knew both Jongin and the owner of the apartment were there. They hadn’t noticed Chanyeol had invited himself in. They were too busy making out, possibly already went further than that.  
Chanyeol followed them home from a distance earlier, gave them a bit of time to get too distracted – it was too late to try and stop stuff like this from happening. He just saw it as a chance to be able to hear Jongin again. He missed Jongin so much. He missed the beautiful sounds he made when he climaxed.  
This, at least, was a way to hear him again. To feel closer to Jongin. Even though Jongin wouldn’t know but that didn’t matter that much to Chanyeol right now.  
He sneaked behind the open door to the bedroom, making sure he could not be seen. Chanyeol caught a glimpse of Kyungsoo hovering over Jongin, though, and it made him want to throw up.  
But that was the sacrifice he had to make in order to be close to Jongin. He sat down, and waited for a while, until the kissing got sloppier and Jongin started making noises. Until he got louder and louder.  
Chanyeol closed his eyes, imagined what it would be like being in Kyungsoos position right now, getting to see Jongin and how beautiful he looked. He was lost in his fantasy, even touched himself a little – until Jongin moaned a name that was not his. Until he destroyed the fantasy with a single word.  
He cursed silently and hastily made a run for the door. He didn’t care that he might have slammed it behind him. He didn’t care that the couple might have noticed it. He needed to get out of there, fast.  
  
In an alleyway close to the complex he came to a halt, gasping for air since he seemed to have stopped breathing on his great escape. His lungs stung, cold sweat was running down his spine and limbs. Chanyeol still felt like throwing up, especially after his record-worthy run out of the apartment and down the stairs.  
He didn’t have much time to recover, because almost as soon as he was able to catch his breath, he heard two familiar voices.  
  
“I swear, I heard someone slam the door!”  
“That’s impossible, Jongin.”  
“I saw someone. I don’t know who, but I saw someone– something inside your apartment!”  
A sigh.  
“Stop being so paranoid. Nothing is following us.”  
“What if it’s–“  
A moment of silence.  
“Really, Jongin?”  
Footsteps tapping further away. The sound of the heavy front door closing.  
Chanyeol let out another breath he didn’t know he was holding – he’d almost been caught.  
He had to be more careful.  
  
 

But instead of more careful, he became less careful.  
There was just a certain thrill about the thought of Jongin seeing him, Jongin exposing him.  
Chanyeol wanted Jongin to know he’d always been around, always been watching. All because he loved Jongin so much that he could barely take it, could barely stay quiet when he encountered the other.  
One night he went into Jongins apartment.  
He was so sure that the other was away, he had posted about it, had plans with his friends. Jongin was busy and Chanyeol saw that as an opportunity to snatch one or two shirts from Jongins room, bury his face in the pillows of his bed and inhale the sweet scent.  
He did that often. It was so easy since he had a copy of the key. And Jongin never noticed.  
  
He had just picked up a shirt and wanted to look for another, when he heard the door unlock.  
Chanyeol was right in the field of sight, Jongin immediately saw him.  
Jongin didn’t realize the scene presented to him at first; it took him a few seconds before his eyes widened and he stopped breathing.  
“Why are you here?”, he asked with a shaky voice.  
Chanyeol didn’t reply, just stared, the shirt dangling from his hand.  
“Why do you have my shirt? Chanyeol? How did you get in here?”  
Jongin seemed nervous and overwhelmed – he obviously didn’t know how to deal with this situation and neither did Chanyeol.  
Though soon it seemed to have dawned on Jongin.  
  
“Chanyeol have you been stalking me?”  
  
The cloth fell from Chanyeols hand. No. This wasn’t stalking. Stalking was different, stalking was bad. It was scary and it was not normal – Chanyeol didn’t stalk Jongin, he was making sure Jongin was well, he was trying to stay close to the one he loved so much. It wasn’t stalking. It wasn’t stalking. It wasn’t stalking.  
There was just this one thought running through his head.  
  
 _It wasn’t stalking._  
  
He didn’t even realize he’d ran out of the apartment until he was, yet again, gasping for air outside. He’d been caught. He had to find an excuse for the next time he’d encounter Jongin. Or just tell him that all he wanted was to be close to him again – but would Jongin even understand that? Jongin even thought Chanyeol was stalking him. Impossible. Stalking was horrifying and bad and Chanyeol could never do something like that to Jongin. Wouldn’t you only stalk someone you don’t know and can’t reach? Chanyeol and Jongin knew each other very well – it couldn’t be stalking, Chanyeol assured himself.  
  
Jongin wasn’t home for a while.  
Chanyeol always waited for him to come out, but to no avail. He wanted to apologize and calm Jongin down. He was surely startled since he thought Chanyeol was stalking him and an apology and a few soothing words would make him feel better, Chanyeol thought.  
Jongin didn’t update his social media either, which was a little unsettling.  
After a few days of waiting for Jongin to leave his apartment, Chanyeol gave up and tried waiting at Kyungsoos apartment instead.  
He was lucky, only a few minutes after he arrived, the couple came out, talking and holding hands. Jongin even gave Kyungsoo a peck on the cheek. Chanyeol was disgusted.  
But he hoped Jongin would soon come to realize that he was wrong, that Jongin and Chanyeol belonged together and that dating Kyungsoo was a big mistake.  
With Kyungsoo at his side, Chanyeol couldn’t talk to Jongin though. It was too dangerous. Kyungsoo probably knew of the stalking accusations and probably wasn’t afraid to defend his boyfriend.  
Instead, Chanyeol snuck into the apartment once the two were out of sight. He just needed to hear Jongins voice, just once, just for a short while.  
He waited.  
It didn’t take long for the two of them to come back and Chanyeol had already found a good hiding spot behind the couch in the living room.  
Jongin and Kyungsoo sat down on said couch, talked about this and that and turned on the TV. It was nice hearing Jongin talk. It calmed Chanyeol and he felt at ease.  
Soon, the couple started making out. Chanyeol felt uneasy.  
He didn’t want to witness this again – as much as he loved Jongins moans. But he only liked them when he himself was the cause, not another person. It made him feel sick to the stomach just thinking about how many times Kyungsoo might have tainted his beautiful Jongin.  
Chanyeol slowly tried to sneak out from behind the couch without drawing attention to the fact that he was in the room. Through what seemed like a miracle he somehow made it through the living room without being noticed. He stood in the dorm frame, glancing in Jongins direction one last time – and Jongin looked at him. Looked him straight in the eyes. He looked dazed at first, but realizing Chanyeol had broken in somewhere yet again soon showed in his face and he sat up straight from where he’d been straddling Kyungsoo just seconds ago.  
“You fucking pervert stalker”, he yelled, “What are you doing?!”  
Chanyeol backed away slowly, mumbling “I’m not a stalker” over and over until his back hit the door to the apartment. He made his way out quickly, tears welling up in his eyes and running home.  
He had fucked up. He had lost Jongin forever, Jongin hated him and he couldn’t make it right again. He could never talk to Jongin ever again because Jongin was scared of him. Chanyeol hadn’t been careful enough and this was his punishment.  
  
*  
  
Chanyeol was yet again sulking in his bed. He’d cried, screamed, thrown things.  
It was all his own fault and he wasted the last chance he had at making Jongin believe he was not a stalker and only meant well, only cared for Jongin so much and the other didn’t even see it.  
He received a phone call in the evening, a few hours after the incident. He only picked up because the one who called was Jongin and Jongin was the only person who could make him right again.  
“Hello?”, Chanyeol croaked, voice strained from crying and screaming.  
“Listen, Chanyeol, I don’t know what you tried to achieve with all your stalking but you got what you wanted, you hear me? You did it, you win!”  
Chanyeol didn’t understand. He couldn’t form a sentence, couldn’t say anything. What was going on?  
“Kyungsoo broke up with me and he said he’s moving away because he doesn’t want to deal with me and my crazy stalking ex boyfriend! Thanks so much for ruining this relationship.”  
Chanyeol let out a light laugh; at least Kyungsoo wouldn’t be a hindrance anymore.  
“Are you actually laughing, Chanyeol?” Jongins voice cracked. He sounded like he was crying.  
“You destroyed everything”, he sobbed, “You took everything away from me and it makes you laugh?! You’re sick, Chanyeol. You need help.”  
Chanyeol shook his head, but Jongin wouldn’t be able to hear that.  
“No. He wasn’t right for you, Jongin. We belong together, don’t you realize?”  
A long pause.  
  
“You’re not the person I fell in love with. You’re not the Chanyeol who’d do anything to see me happy. The Chanyeol I fell in love with would have encouraged my new relationship. He would’ve been happy for me.”  
Chanyeol felt hurt.  
“I’m the one who makes you happiest. I did my best to try and make you happy, Jongin. But you didn’t understand. You didn’t understand that we were meant to be and by not being with me you’re not going to be happy.”  
Jongin didn’t say anything for a while, again.  
“Chanyeol you sound scary. This isn’t like you at all. Please get help.”  
He hung up.  
Chanyeol called back, nobody picked up. He rang Jongins number, again and again. Nobody picked up.  
Eventually his number had been blocked.  
Chanyeol felt empty.  
  
*  
  
It was discouraging at first. The phone call and its aftermath.  
But Chanyeol did not give up, would not give up. He still checked Jongins sites. Kept an eye on him sometimes when he felt like leaving his room and going for a stroll – aka to see Jongin.  
He couldn’t get into the apartment anymore though; Jongin had switched the lock from a key to a number pad and it’ll be risky trying to get the code – so Chanyeol didn’t try to break in for a while.  
  
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough and he yearned for Jongins closeness, to hear his voice, to get his attention. No matter how. He needed Jongin like a hard drug he’d never give up.  
He made several accounts on all the social media sites Jongin used. Sometimes he talked to him, keeping it calm and friendly. It was the internet, he was anonymous and Jongin won’t ever know that he was talking to Chanyeol. It was so easy.  
One day Jongin posted the new number he apparently had been using for a while now and Chanyeol was more than happy to get it so easily. He waited a few days before he called the first time, though.  
He changed his number as well, since Jongin would surely recognize his old one.  
When he called and Jongin picked up, Chanyeol felt ecstatic. Just the simple “Hello, who’s this?” made his heart flutter.  
Another “Hello?” – Chanyeols heart was full of joy. Jongin hung up and Chanyeol felt satisfied. For now.  
  
It continued like this. Every now and then he’d call – sometimes even from pay phones because he didn’t want his number to get blocked again.  
It wasn’t enough, still. It would never be enough as long as Jongin didn’t acknowledge Chanyeol.  
Chanyeol had to go big. He had to go all out, he had to reveal himself.  
It was the only way at this point.  
  
So, one day he took the time to write Jongin a lot of messages on his sites. On every account. Chanyeol mostly told him how much he loved him and the likes. He called Jongin, again and again. From his phone, from a payphone.  
  
He waited in Jongins apartment complex until he saw him come out, then waited for him to get back, well hidden, but still able to see the code when Jongin would enter it on the number pad. And Jongin entered it. 1-1-2-7. Chanyeols birthday.  
Chanyeol was startled for a moment, he didn’t understand. Why would Jongin pick his birthday? Was there still a chance for him?  
Jongin left his apartment again, seemingly disturbed. He must’ve read the messages and the unanswered calls. So Chanyeol took the chance to unlock the door, sneak in.  
He looked around, picked up a shirt, like he used to back when he had a key to the apartment. Inhaling the sweet, sweet scent he looked through the apartment. It seemed like always. A little untidy, but Chanyeol didn’t mind that.  
He was just glad being in Jongins apartment. It was comforting, somehow.  
With the shirt in his hand he left the apartment after a while. He didn’t want to shock Jongin too much just yet.  
On his way out he caught a glimpse of Jongin. And he was pretty sure Jongin had seen him too.  
  
He wrote more messages.  
Jongin deleted them at first, but Chanyeol was very diligent, writing more and more posts every minute. Making new accounts if his old ones got blocked. He wouldn’t stop, he needed Jongin to acknowledge him.  
Every now and then he sneaked into Jongins apartment. Mostly at night, when he could be sure that Jongin was asleep and wouldn’t hear him get in. He liked watching Jongin sleep, whisper softly how much he loved him right into his ear. Jongin was a heavy sleeper and he’d never know.  
  
One night, however, Jongin woke up. Chanyeol was standing in front of the bed and hadn’t realized it before it was too late and Jongin had seen him.  
The other sat up straight in his bed, shaking, tears welling up in his sleepy, puffy eyes.  
“When will you leave me alone, Chanyeol?”, he asked, sniffling.  
Chanyeol thought about what to reply, but Jongin kept talking in a thin, soft voice thick with sleep.  
“I know you come almost every night. I know what you whisper in my ear. Stop. Just stop. Please, leave me alone. Please, I’m begging you.”  
Chanyeol just looked at Jongin, dumbfounded.  
“Stop writing me all these messages, stop calling me all the time, leave me alone!”  
  
He didn’t have any words. Chanyeol simply left, speechless.  
Jongin knew.  
  
*  
  
Chanyeol had no intention to stop though.  
Only his visits to Jongins apartment, but he’d still go out and look for Jongin if the other would decide to leave his home.  
One morning he woke up and all of Jongins SNS accounts were gone. All except for one.  
It seemed normal, like nothing was wrong. On his wall were only entries from him or his friends. Not a trace of Chanyeols accounts.  
It was off-putting and Chanyeol hesitated, since he intended to make a post – but now it seemed weird, wrong even.  
His phone rang.  
  
Jongin.  
  
Chanyeol picked up, a surprised “Jongin?” coming out of his mouth before he even realized it.  
“Are you happy with yourself, Chanyeol? Are you happy with what you’re doing? Stalking me, assaulting me?”  
Jongin sounded weird.  
“I’m taking care of you”, Chanyeol replied.  
A short laugh from the other side of the line.  
“Is that what you call it? ‘Taking care’ of me?” Jongin seemed so off and it gave Chanyeol a bad feeling, as if something bad was going to happen.  
“Well, you failed, Chanyeol. You failed terribly. You broke me. You took everything away from me – my boyfriend, my freedom, my privacy. You took it all and you laughed at my despair. And you never stopped, you just never stopped, even when I begged you, Chanyeol. And you’ll never stop, because you’re sick. You need help, Chanyeol. Help I can’t give you and you just won’t understand –“  
Jongin sighed after his rant. Chanyeol stayed silent. He didn’t feel good about this at all.  
“You pushed me too far. I can’t feel safe anymore. But when I hang up it’ll all be over, finally. When I hang up, I’ll be free and you won’t be able to terrorize my life anymore, because I won’t exist anymore.”  
Chanyeol could barely register what was happening. He just wanted the best for Jongin, he just wanted Jongin to be happy.  
“Goodbye, Chanyeol.”  
Jongin hung up. Chanyeols phone fell out of his hand, scattered on the floor. Tears spilled out of his eyes and he curved up, sobbed.  
He didn’t mean for this to happen. He never intended for it to end like this. All he wanted was to be with Jongin.  
  
*  
  
A day after the call Jongins death had been confirmed. Chanyeol sobbed and cried even more.  
He went to the funeral; they had cremated his body, kept his ashes in an urn.  
  
Chanyeol took it, the urn, he took it with him, kept it at his home for a while. Talked to it, apologized to Jongin thoroughly.  
He wrote an apology and a long message on Jongins last remaining site, as well. Like all the other people leaving messages just like his, he was mourning a loved one.  
But unlike the others, he wrote a message every day. He would never forget Jongin. He would never stop loving Jongin, even if Jongin was gone, even if Jongin would never know.  
  
Chanyeol took it upon himself to find the best spot for Jongins grave. He dressed up nice, took the urn with him and wandered through a large field in the soft autumn sun until he found a good spot.  
He carefully dug a hole and put Jongins remains in it, closing it up after he was done. Here it was, Jongins grave and only Chanyeol knew how to find it.  
He visited it whenever he could, sitting beside it. Waiting. Writing messages on Jongins page.  
Even in death, Chanyeol would love Jongin unconditionally.  
  
*  
  
Chanyeol was looking at Jongins profile again.  
Scrolling it up and down, reading all the messages he himself had carefully left there every day, written with love, worded differently and lovingly each time ever since Jongin was gone for good.  
He would always be there. He would always love Jongin. He would never stop.  
Chanyeol refreshed the page before starting his next entry, a ritual to make sure he did not miss any replies or changes made to the profile. There could be no replies from Jongin. He was dead. Chanyeol knew that.  
But he was still hoping that, maybe, he could reach to Jongin through his messages. Maybe Jongin could find a way to communicate with him from the afterlife, or wherever he was right now. He hoped his unconditional love for Jongin, even after his death, could bring them both together one last time.  
The site refreshed.  
All of Chanyeols entries were gone.  
He stopped breathing for a second, before he hit F5 again and again, making sure that he was not going completely crazy.  
  
Nothing.  
  
A great nothingness greeted him.  
Everything was gone, deleted. There was only the name and the profile picture remaining. His head was a cluster of thoughts. He couldn’t think straight, he didn’t know what to do. Nobody knew how to access Jongins account – otherwise it would have been deleted a long while ago.  
  
Then a chat window opened on the site.  
It was Jongin.  
  
Chanyeol hesitated at first – was someone playing a trick on him? But curiosity got the better of him and he read the message.  
  
‘Meet me at my apartment in 20 minutes.’  
  
So Jongins apartment still hadn’t been cleared and rented to another person, after all these months?  
Chanyeol had never checked – the first month he practically lived there but he assumed Jongins parents would let it have cleared and rent it to someone else. It was strange. Jongins death had been confirmed, there had even been a funeral, yet Jongin messaged him?  
Maybe it was a sign – could it be he was granted his only wish for being so devoted to the person he loved the most?  
  
He arrived at the apartment. He stood in front of the door, about to type in the code, when he heard a voice behind him.  
“Still remember the code?”  
Jongin.  
Chanyeol turned around, eyes wide.  
It really was Jongin. The actual Jongin. Unscathed. Real. In the flesh, right before his very eyes.  
“How are you –“  
Jongin put his finger on Chanyeols lips.  
He reached out for the number pad and typed in the code. 1-1-2-7.  
The door unlocked, both of them went into the apartment.  
“What’s happening? Jongin? I thought you were dead?”  
Jongin grinned, laughed even.  
“How can you laugh, do you know how miserable I felt? How much I mourned your death?”  
Jongin just shook his head.  
“How ironic. How could you laugh when I confronted you about the stalking which ended in Kyungsoo breaking up with me?”  
“That’s not the same! I was taking care of you.”  
“You still haven’t learned.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Jongin sighed.  
“Look, I’m sorry about making you feel terrible. I thought it was the only way you’d get over me”, he then said.  
Chanyeol couldn’t comprehend his words.  
“Why would I need to get over you? I loved you even when I thought you were dead! I love you even now, after you deceived me.”  
Jongin shook his head, the smile on his face gone.  
“You’re sick and you don’t understand that what you do is unhealthy. For me and you.”  
Chanyeol stared at the other.  
“I’m not sick, Jongin!”, he said. Jongin knew he wasn’t sick, he had to know; Jongin knew him better than anyone else.  
“Chanyeol, there’s no other way for you to realize that you’re sick and I’m sorry I had to do it, but –“, Jongin paused, looking at the ground, causing a weird atmosphere. Chanyeol didn’t like this, it was like their last phone call; something wasn’t right.  
“What? What did you do, Jongin?”  
“I got you help, Chanyeol. I can’t help you, but they can. And I hope you can heal and be the same old Chanyeol you used to be, I really do.”  
What was that supposed to mean?  
Chanyeol couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t comprehend the information, he didn’t know what was going on.  
Jongin walked away from him, saying something about how this is the last time they’ll see each other, which Chanyeol barely registered, before calling out to his ex boyfriend.  
“One more question”, Chanyeol exclaimed and Jongin turned around, raising an eyebrow.  
“Why is the code to your apartment my birthday?”  
Jongin smiled to himself, laughed a little.  
“Because somehow I still loved you – or at least the idea of you. The perfect Chanyeol I made up in my head, the Chanyeol I claimed to know so well. I’m bad, too. I wanted something you couldn’t give me, because what I wanted didn’t exist and I’m sorry for that.”  
With that Jongin turned around and opened the door.  
Behind the door were two men, all white and looking sterilized.  
They were here for Chanyeol, taking him by his arms, taking him with them.  
He didn’t struggle, just let himself get dragged behind them. He knew what Jongin had just done to him but he wasn’t mad. Because Jongin took care of him. He cared about Chanyeols wellbeing.  
  
And Jongin was all that was on his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> This is also from my AFF~  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this, even if it was an unpleasant theme.  
> comments, subscriptions, etc. are always appreciated!
> 
> Please do not ask for a sequel in the comments, I never intended to continue this and I hope you understand!


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